so there im finally there! for what i was waiting for so long, and about what i was thinking of so often. its all good so far. i really like my work. it gives me a lot back...
and i have a really nice family.
the problem is just that i feel sometimes pretty useless at work when i have no idea whats going on or i dont know what i could do because i dont know how "independent" i can do things with the kids.

its very refreshing to live here. noone knows you, noone knows about the whole shit that happened before... its just like a brand new start.

but i feel like its all too new... can you feel endless tired? i feel so. i wake up and i feel too tired to go to work, i go to work and i feel too tired to work, i come back from work and i feel too tired to eat or do anything at all, i go back to work in the evening and feel like falling asleep and i go sleep around 20.00. its really terrible... i want feel not tired just for a short time or something :(

and my dreams drive me crazy. normally i cant remember any dreams or forget them very fast. here i feel like dream every night. and so intensive. and i remember it so well. and its such a shit i dream. from the saying bye to my family, about fighting with someone from züri, about some certain person and my fears. i want it to stop :(

its time to go "home"... to say that or think that feels still so weird...